The Library

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Operation Kawaii Desu: A practical guide to b

by Jasper Smirnov

How to be a kawaii Desu-nii sugoi catgirl slave! (Nyan!)The following guide will help you on your path to becoming a kawaii sugoi desu~nii chan catgirl slave! You'll be nyan-ing and purring when yours ears get petted in no time flat! So follow along to these simple rules, and you'll do just fine. Ready? No you're not! You have to Read-Nya~, Well? Say it with me! Ready-nya~! Good jo

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QUARTER-LIFE: Halfway to Destuction Part 3

by Anonymous

CHAPTER THREE: DESTRUACTION IS IMMINANT "This is Gordon Freeman how do we contain teh meltdown? I know!" And he used portals to push henemy headquarters into a portal so Dallas wouldnt melt down and it would only go off harmless in Atlantic ocean. "Hooray I scucceeded at winning the mission" "Not so fast, Mr. Gordon"

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I Just Killed You, Chump: Haikus to Read to D

by BRYCE MOTHERFUCKING PAX

GENERAL HAIKUS AFTER YOU KILLED A DUDE: I am taunting you In haiku, to show how I am An awesome badass Holy shit, you suck You fight like a little girl Good thing you are dead Better luck next time I kid, there is no next time Your corpse I destroy You'd learn a lesson But I have killed you dead so You will learn nothing IN SELF DEFENSE: Perhaps you should think Before gett

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Requiem for a shitlord (sheet music)

by River Reade

Requiem for a shitlord A4-F,B2-D,A4-F,C2-D,C4-F,D2-D,E4-F,G2-D,G4-F,F2-D A2-C,B4-B,A2-A,C4-A,C2-B,D4-C,E2-D,G4-E,G2-F,F4-G A2-An,B2-Bn,A4-A,C4-B,C2-Cn,D2-C,E4-Dn,G4-D,G2-Gn A4-An,B4-Bn,A2-Cn,C2-Dn,C4-En,D4-Fn,E2-Gn1,G2-Gn2 A2-An-B,B2-An2-D4,A4-Bn2-G4,C2-Dn2-G2,C4-Cn2-D4,D A4-F2-Gn,B2-D4-Gn,A4-F2,C2-D4,C4-F2-Gn,D2-D4-Gn,E A2-Bn,B4-Dn4,A2-Bn2,C4-Dn2,C2-Dn4,D4-Bn4,E2-Bn2,G A2-Dn,B2-A4,A4-Fn,C4-A3,C2-En,D2-A2,E4-Gn,G4-A1,G

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The Thirty-Six Lessons of Vivec: Sermon Twelv

by Copied by Gary Fields

As the Hortator pondered the first lesson of ruling kings, Vivec wandered into the Mourning Hold and found that Ayem was with a pair of lovers. Seht had divided himself again. Vivec then leapt through into their likenesses to observe, but he gained no secrets that he did not already know. He left a few of his own behind to make the journey worthwhile. Then Vivec left the capital of Veloth and wandered far into the ash. He found a span of badlands to practice his giant-form. He made of his feet a l

Posted in Religion

A Brief Introduction to Set Theory

by Wacky William

Set theory begins with a fundamental binary relation between an object o and a set A. If o is a member (or element) of A, we would write o (element) A. Since sets are objects, the membership relation can relate sets as well. A derived binary relation between two sets is the subset relation, also called set inclusion. If all the members of set A are also members of set B, then A is a subset of B, denoted A (subset) B. For example, {1,2} is a subset of {1,2,3} , but {1,4} is not. From this definition, it is c

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Barman Recipes

by Sir John Rose

h1 {font-size: 18px; margin: 15px 0px 5px;} h2 {font-size: 15px; margin: 15px 0px 5px;} li {margin: 2px 0px 2px 15px;} ul {list-style: none; margin: 5px; padding: 0px;} ol {margin: 5px; padding: 0px 15px;} Drinks for dummies Heres a guide for some basic drinks. Manly Dorf: Mix ale and beer into a glass. Grog: Mix rum and water into a glass. Black Russian:

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Hitler: A Biography

by Anonymous

Although much beloved by the German people Adolf the Hitler was in fact; very, very, evil. He was in fact so evil he singlehandedly kill over 6 billions of jewsthat is why today Adolf t

Posted in Non-Fiction

How To Make The Station Run Only With Solars

by King of Kosmos

HOW TO MAKE THE STATION RUN ONLY WITH SOLARS A.K.A. HOW TO BE A GREEN HIPPY ENGINEER OK, first: Wire a solar like a boss. Use the Solar Control CPU and set it to Auto track the sun. DON'T TOUCH THE SOLAR'S SMES BATTERY! Leave them OFF! Place a wire leading from the solars straight to the maintenance tunnel power grid power cable. This way the power skips the battery, providing straight sun-power everywhere w

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Singularity Emergency Destruction Manual

by Nanotransen Space Academy

Singularity Emergency Destruction Manual So the station you call home is being eaten by a space singularity? Fear not! For by following this manual you should be able to save your home station from being eaten by the hungry phenomenon eatin

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A Chemist's Reference Guide To All Things Che

by Cyncessa Fusse

A Chemist's Reference Guide To All Things Chemistry Index: (I) - Chemistry (II) - General (III) - Generally Helpful (IV) - Medical (V) - Grenades (VI) - Science (VII) - Small Bombs (VIII) - Medium Bombs

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UMBRA AI Operation Manual

by Kyora473

UMBRA AI Operation Manual A Foreward from by the author I'd like to explain a bit about what you are reading. First of all, my pen name (Kyora473) was created to conceal my identity, as I am a wanted woman. Nanotrasen does not want the information on UMBRA's origins to be revealed, or at least, to a source-checkable extent, allowing them to claim responsibility for the construction of this one of a kind AI unit.

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Tiny Hammer 40k

by /tg/

>ITT: All the forces of the 41st Millennium descend onto modern day Earth. Except they are only as large as their miniatures depict them to be. Tyranids eat a field and consume a state. Space Marines kill all world leaders within 24 hours. Imperial Guard destroys an entire city (as in total flat ground) every 3 days. Necrons efficiently kill off a city per day. Japan declares allegiance to Chaos, everyone who ever went to Japan sprouts spikes and start

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How to into Cult Magic: Summary Version

by Kaden Philips

How to into Cult MagicFirst, take that paper from inside your backpack, click on it and click the communicate option. A new paper should appear under you, so do this in private!

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Crab Drydock Sigma Journal

by Detective Wacky William

Another fucking day on this hellhole... I got word that the old AI has gone rogue. Never much trusted machines. Well, time to investigate.Turns out the old circuit carnival is fine. The cigarettes on this station are trash, they won't even light. I'm getting twitchy. And if that's not bad enough, some asshole with a cloak field shot me with an energy gun. What a fucking day.I am hearing that two different men are traitors, from different people including the men. Both are botinists. I need to ge

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How to be a slut

by The Bartender

Step 1:Suck a million of dicks. Step 2: Brag about it.There is no step 3.

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Space Lag

by Malcolm Ward

Unnamed AssistantI am an assistant aboard South Hub Six and I am currently in a state of Space Lag.Space lag is characterized by the following behaviors:Altered movement patterns. The subject will appear to be standing still, then reappear in another part of the stationInability to properly interact with objects and/or highly delayed actions.Erratic movement patterns and periods where time seems to stop.Space lag is thought to be caused by the presence of "spacetime puppeteers," theoretical extradim

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Dante Smith's Private Medical Record

by Assorted Medical Professionals

Medical RecordName: Dante Smith ID: 7CDA00 Sex: male Age: 16 Fingerprint: 4346b070d8c75f412ce13e87b2ab9041 Physical Status: Active Mental Status: *Watch* Medical Data Blood Type: A+ DNA: a452a5c4f23e2301403db38bdeb54cd0 Minor Disabilities: Slight homosexual inclinations Details: No minor disabilities have been declared. Major Disabilities: Egotism Details: Patient is excessively fascinated with

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Bad Puns for Bad Pirates

by N. Falstein

What does a pirate use to measure his ship with? A yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdstick!!!!!! In Battleship, why do pirates always lose?Their ships are always on the "C"s! Pirates get a bad rep. They're not all bad. Granted, they're not saints, but many have been cannonized!! What do Jewish Pirates say? Ahoy vey! Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?To buy an iPatch!How does a pirate get his mast up? He mastARRRRbates!

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The Holy Book of Alcoholism

by Father Revero

In the beginning, man was but a primitive species, drinking water and living in caves. But the Deity, the Great Space Bartender, saw them sitting around, driinking blasphemously bland beverages, and said unto himself, "This is truly a disgrace, I shall show humanity the error of their ways!" So he sent a prophet, who's name shall not be named, and the prophet delivered them from their wreched ways, he showed them how to mix the most wonderful concoctions, drinks that would make people rejoice an

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The Ugly Barnacle

by Patrick Star

Once there was an ugly barnacle, he was so ugly everyone died. The End.

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Nonresounding Mausoleum

by Moral

gNamu sanpou! Do not yield to worldly desires. Namu sanpou! Cleanse the body and mind of evil thoughts. Namu sanpou! Offer sanctuary to both youkai and humans.h Your rough voice cuts through the warm air of summer. A few children merrily scuffle around the temple, chasing each other in loud, cheery voices. You tend to the plants growing around the front yard including the weeds. You've always had a sentiment towards them, but you often wonder why. A j

Posted in Fiction

RocketHonks Guide to RocketHonking: For Dummi

by Rockethonk

by RocketHonk, the rocket clownHello, this is my guide to advanced HONKing, but more specifically, ROCKETHONKING. If you follow this guide, you'll be jetting around the station in no time, outrunning any security officer and having a blast while you do it! You need a few materials, though: First, you need a roller chair. These can be found in the library. Second, you need a lot of fire extinguishers. Third, you need your clown suit, Giggles, ID, PDA, and Horn. Once these have been acquired, strap yours

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Slime Psychology

by Terry Drovidi

Every NanoTransen station comes equipt with a xenobiology lab, designed to allow xenobiologists to harvest the essenses of slimes. In this relationship, slimes are treated like a thorned bush; however, investigations into the psychological capacity of slimes has revealed potential for much more deep relationships between men and slimes. Research in several different xenobiology departments has revealed slimes' consideration of the

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Shuttle Docking

by Quinton Bould

Alice Evans says, "So good to slip out of that suit."Quinton Bould says, "Good to be out of that clunky stuff."Alice Evans leans back against the wall, grinning.Quinton Bould grins back lecherously.

Posted in Adult

I Kissed A Star

by Wintermote

I Kissed A Star Sung to the tune of I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry Wintermote This was nev-er the way I planned Not, my intention I got so brave, core in hand Lost, my discretion It's not what, I'm used to Just, wanna try you on I'm curi-ous for you Caught, my attention

Posted in Non-Fiction

A man and a mad cat: Chapter 5

by Sigismund Littenheim

I husikly open my mech's limb casing, careful to brush the actuator gently as I prepare to remove the LPL buried deep within, and forcefully insert my long, bulging CERPPC. br Her heatsinks blush, mild droplets of coolant appearing and condensing gently on the firm, ferro-fibrous thighs, and I grin gently, feeling the warm throb of her reactor. br A slight hum appears from the cockpit, the teasing work clearly driving her mad with desire, and I reclose the casi

Posted in Fiction

The Truth about Nanotrasen and Centcomm

by Rebel From the System

Wake up sheeple! Nanotrasen is controlling you all! How many of you ACTUALLY remember what happened before the station? We wake up, again, and again, and again, freshly dressed and ready to go! Only if you think hard, can you remember, remember the truth of the Station! Think hard, and you can remember being shot, stabbed, bludgeoned, burned, lasered, or spaced! And you weren't brought to Genetics, to be born anew! No, many of you died without even SEEING the escape shut

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Forbidden Knowledge: A How-to Guide to Being

by Darius Gurilla

I can't believe you fell for that! Well, Security is most likely headed your way right now for checking this out, so dispose of it and hide! Sucker!

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JRN Solitaire Technical Specifications

by Wintermote

JRN Solitaire J├Ąger Class Battlecruiser Technical Specifications Builder: Iylzara Naval Shipyards, Ganyemede Operators: Jovian Republic Navy (16), Titanian Commonwealth Fleet Intelligence (5), Morningstar Constellation Navy (7), Autonomist Alliance Navy (11), Misc. (27) In Service: From 2524 Planned: 72 Completed: 72 Canceled

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A dedication to J. Kudzu

by Anonymous

James Kudzu is a huge faggot. Like seriously, wow, this guy is the biggest faggot ever, he's like a half-assed egotistical John Byran who jerks himself off all day. Oh my god, he's so fucking horrible. Jesus christ I hate James Kudzu so much, all he does is hang around the fucking bar and drink antifreeze every shift. Seriously, this guy is like that fucker at work nobody likes, but acts like they do to put up with his shit. Seriously, fuck this guy. A robust creature fond

Posted in Non-Fiction

Goodnight Nepeta

by Tina MacTavish

Goodnight NepetaSometimes Karkat wondered if he had done it on purpose. It bothered him, on those long, dark nights when he tossed and turned in his narrow bed, trying to not hear the sound of her whimpering and crying in the corner. She always cried more at night than during the day, like the darkness and the shadows hel

Posted in Fiction

SPACE ADVENTURES: A Professional Guide (Part

by Professor Backfire

SPACE ADVENTURES: The professional guide to goofing off in space on work time for fun and profit. By Professor Backfire The great void that makes up the vast majority of our universe, simply and rather appropriately known as 'space', is quite obviously, well, an empty void for the most part. Lacking in any useful quantities of breathable gases or tangible ground, it's obviously extremely difficult for any life form or machine not specifically adapted to space tr

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Teachings of Konrad Curze

by Captain

Kill a thousand men, and let no one bear witness. What have you achieved? Who will ever know? Who will ever fear you? Who will ever respect or obey you? But kill a single man, and let the world see. Hang him high. Cut him deep. Bleed him dry. And then...disappear. Now. Who will ever know? Everyone. Who will ever fear you? Why, everyone! Who will ever respect you, who will ever obey you? Everyone! These humans, their imaginations are strong. Kill a thousand men and they will hate you.

Posted in Fiction

Dante's Fun Time

by Alexa Drack

Dante stood up, his tiny penis swinging between his legs. He pushed it forward towards Lila Desminto, the whore gladly taking it into her mouth and sucking deeply, back and forth over the tiny member. She pulled her head away momentarilly, looking up at Dante. "This feel good for you, baby? We should find somewhere more quiet to do it though..." she finished, as she looked around at the staring people, since they were in the middle of the hallway. Dante took one look a

Posted in Adult

Legend of the man of the Stations End

by Beamanager

Chapter I"Captain, we've got a problem here." said the station engineer, exhausted from running throughout the station to find the man he called "Captain" In a swivel chair, overlooking the construction of the Anus Star, a highly mechanized destruction machine used by the Galactic SpaceStation13 Nation of Imperials. The captain swiveled around, revealing n

Posted in Non-Fiction

Jokes of Space Station 13

by Anonymous

Jokes of SPACE STATION 13!A man walked into a bar. Owww.A man and his friend walk into a bar, the man says "I'll have some H2O" and his friend say "I'll have some H2O too" the friends dies.

Posted in Fiction

Book: Police Brutality 101

by Irvine Shoomer

Police Brutality 101 Chapter 1 The Baton and you! Steps to becoming profficient with the stun baton: 1. Use it extensively. If anyone gives you any kind of crap, beat them repeatedly, even if they don't resist. 2. Remember to turn it on! It won't help if you just poke them. Chapter 2 Handcuffing. 1. Never unhandcuff a suspect: they are guilty until proven innocent. 2. Beat the prisoner even when they are handcuffed. This will make you look cool in front of your p

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An AI's Dream

by Wintermote

Two of us walking down a tunnel or sewer, dark, only our lights and barely wide enough to stand side by side. We were wearing large bulky suits, power armour I guess. I had my helmet on and she didn't. Ahead of us, I could see a dog; rabid. It jumped at us and I grabbed it around the neck, tossing it against a wall. From behind was another one, teeth bared. I went after it too, grabbing it and punching it in the head several times. I heard a scream behind me and turned

Posted in Non-Fiction

Who Shall Speak for Hero?

by Phyllis Biddors

Chapter 13: The Shuttle Arrives

Posted in Fiction

How to make it big as a lawyer

by Rodd

So you want to make it big as a lawyer? Well, the first thing you need to do is find some real nice crap to sell. Try paper hats or things from the vending machines. Failing that, break into a few places and steal some real unique crap! For instance, there's this barman on board with a real beutie of a s

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Vents and Welders, An Engineers Autobiography

by Tanner Rohtin

Back in 1985 Tanner Rohtin was just a small boy in a big world, after his father was taken from him by an alien in his own home. Later on in life after he passed High School he found out the cause of the xeno. Living in his venting ducts since he was born, it struck out during that tragic day after his father looked inside the vents to see what was wrong with the filter. Vowing revenge on xenos and all forms of ventiliation, Tanner Rohtin went to Engineering College, where he got his masters in welding. Aft

Posted in Non-Fiction

The Message of the Shade

by Llywelyn ap Gwynedd

In the end all of humanity are judged by a great judge. The wicked are damned and [then] those righteous [ascend] to high heaven.I managed to avoid my judgement and was bound to the mortal world by the chaplain.Thus recounted the Shade of Gunjar of Riverwood, floating as a vaguely humanoid red mist above the library floor. The Chaplain held in his hand a bizarre gem, of which I h

Posted in Non-Fiction

What to do when the Station Goes to Hell

by Mr. Safety

WHAT TO DO WHEN THE STATION GOES TO HELL Your detailed guide to maybe surviving. 1. Panic- Panicking allows air to get into your bloodstream, this allows you to think better. 2. Asses the Situation- Is there a hole in the station? Run like hell. Fire in the halls? Run like hell. Aliens? Run like hell. Clowns? Beat them to death. 3. Find the Nearest Oxygen Tank- If there's a hole in the station, you will need an oxyg

Posted in Non-Fiction

Song of storms: the tale

by Clayton Johnson

Song of of storms:the song of storms is passed to the owners of the windmills in hope to bring a profitable harvest to the kakuri town. its really unique in that when played, it sounds as if more then one instrument is going on. the listners will most likely be entranced and will fall in love with the song instantly. while

Posted in Fiction

Book: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -

by Anonymous

The Babel fish The Babel fish is a small, yellow and leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from its own carrier but from those around it. It absorbs all unconsious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the consious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the bra

Posted in Fiction

Assistants are underpowered on SS13

by Anonymous

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Useless Bums good for nothing" bullshit that's going on in the Space Station 13 right now. Assistants deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.I should know what I'm talking about. I myself entered the career of Assistant in Japan for a salary of 2,400

Posted in Non-Fiction

Sixteen Accords of Madness, v. XII, Malacath&

by Anonymous

Sixteen Accords of Madness, v. XIIMalacath's TaleIn the days before the Orsinium's founding, the spurned Orc-folk were subjected to ostracism and persecutions even more numerous and harsh than their progeny are accustomed to

Posted in Religion

Shitcurity and My dead Sister part 3: Hurting

by Julia Ride

the Head of Security slid the door open, entered, and closed it behind him. He backed me into the corner where I cringed. He shot me once, twice, I don't know how many times with the electrodes. I was spazzing out on the floor, crying. Do you still want a trial? He said innocently. I couldn't open my mouth. He whipped out his baton and ran it up in down my arm and suddenly turned it on. He held it there for several seconds and I blacked out.When I woke up I was buckled to a

Posted in Fiction

Book of Vetia - 4th edition

by High Chaplain of Vetia

Book of Vetia Blessed be Vetia, the patron god of medicine and medical sciencess.Know that the cloning machine is the most blessed machine that exists in the service of Vetia.Pra

Posted in Religion

Maltese Falcon Menu

by Anonymous

Menu:Main Courses:*Burger

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51 Things To Do

by Chen

51 things to do 1: Send spam messages using someone else's PDA 2: Attack yourself with a toolbox and claim someone else did it 3: Grab every single fire extinguisher onboard the station and give them to Toxins 4: take empty cans of space cola and fill them with beer from a keg 5: take empty cans of space cola and fill them with acid 6: Get beaten to death by security for melting sthe captain's face off 7: Give the clown something import

Posted in Non-Fiction

Book: The Log of a Captain

by Blowhard Spacebass

Blowhard Spacebass Spacebuss groned "Urg' He wus the captin of da stashun. He wass sitting on the tolet and herd over the inturcom that terorist syndecates were on the stashun. "Captin, ther ar syndecates on stashun! Yu have to halp us!" The captin finished his log and lept intu acton. He grabed hiss lazur pistol and runned out the brige. He saw a asisstant who yeled "HELP I AM ATTACKED BY ZENOS" Which are like xenos but cooler and are yelow OC DO NOT STEAL! And the zenos fadehugged him and turned him i

Posted in Non-Fiction

The life cycle of a Xenomorph: Part 1

by Mark Sean

There are five basic stages in a Xenomorph's life. Egg, Facehugger, Larvae, Hunter, and Queen. The egg is simply an unhatched facehugger, but the facehugger is more complex. The facehugger has six leg-like appendages that can latch onto a person's face. The facehugger is considered parasitic, due to the fact that the facehugger injects a "Chestburster" Embryo into the victim. The way it does this is with a proboscis-like appendage. When done implanting a chestburster into the

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Science and Chemistry

by James Bearden

Chemistry: Generally Abused (Well, you know) Cryptobiolin: Potassium + Oxygen + Suger (Confuses) Hyperzine: Sugar + Phosphorous + Sulfur (Temporarily increases muscle strength) Impedrezene: Mercury + Oxygen + Sugar (Impedes movement) Napalm: Aluminium + Plasma + Sulphuric Acid (Liquid Fire) Unstable Mutagen: Radium + Phospherous + Chlorine (Gives random genetic mutations) Polytrinic Acid: Sulphuric Acid + Chlorine + Potassium (Powerful

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Mighty Talos

by Heimskr

Talos the mighty! Talos the unerring! Talos the unassailable! To you we give praise! We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars! But you were once man! Aye! And as man, you said, "Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter." "I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine, I do this for you, Red Legions, for I lo

Posted in Religion

The life cycle of a Xenomorph: Part 2

by Mark Sean

After the facehugger dies, the embryo begins growing inside the victim. Attaching to blood cells to Complete it's Genetic code. It eventually will Grow too large to be inside the victim. It will promptly drill it's way out of the victim's sternum using razor-sharp teeth. At this point, it's basic instincts are to flee humans and hide inside air ducts. After that stage in life, it will grow into a "Hunter" Xenomorph. It will become one of three castes, the Hunter, the Worker,

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Robust Clownos

by Honkskr

Clownos the robust! Clownos the unslipping! Clownos the unassailable! To you we give praise!We are but faggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars!But you were once clown! Aye! And as clown, you said, "Let me show you the power of Clownos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long bananas.""I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine, I do this for you, Red Legions, for I lov

Posted in Religion

Griffin got murderboner

by Montague Morberly

griffin got murderbonerone day while the captain was being slipped griffin got murderboner.He could no longer help himself! he watched as the captain slipped on the janitors kawaii wet floor. He approached the captain which startled him and make him fire his energy gun at the floor and at griffin too. Being za

Posted in Adult

A story of the bar, part 1

by Tabler Turnipton

I met the Captain and Head of Security at the bar a while ago, I went with my girlfriend. When we approached them, the Captain looked at me, and then at my girlfriend, and said "THE FUCK YOU DOIN' WITH THIS STUPID CUNT? GET WITH THIS DICK OR GET RAPED YA WHORE!" I was completely shocked and didn't know if he was joking, so I just stood there in silence just not sure what to say. Then a voice was heard from behind him, "Hey, hey, Cap. Found another goofball?" "Y

Posted in Non-Fiction

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