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JRN Solitaire Technical Specifications

by Wintermote

JRN Solitaire Jäger Class Battlecruiser Technical Specifications Builder: Iylzara Naval Shipyards, Ganyemede Operators: Jovian Republic Navy (16), Titanian Commonwealth Fleet Intelligence (5), Morningstar Constellation Navy (7), Autonomist Alliance Navy (11), Misc. (27) In Service: From 2524 Planned: 72 Completed: 72 Canceled

Posted in Reference

A dedication to J. Kudzu

by Anonymous

James Kudzu is a huge faggot. Like seriously, wow, this guy is the biggest faggot ever, he's like a half-assed egotistical John Byran who jerks himself off all day. Oh my god, he's so fucking horrible. Jesus christ I hate James Kudzu so much, all he does is hang around the fucking bar and drink antifreeze every shift. Seriously, this guy is like that fucker at work nobody likes, but acts like they do to put up with his shit. Seriously, fuck this guy. A robust creature fond

Posted in Non-Fiction

Goodnight Nepeta

by Tina MacTavish

Goodnight NepetaSometimes Karkat wondered if he had done it on purpose. It bothered him, on those long, dark nights when he tossed and turned in his narrow bed, trying to not hear the sound of her whimpering and crying in the corner. She always cried more at night than during the day, like the darkness and the shadows hel

Posted in Fiction

SPACE ADVENTURES: A Professional Guide (Part

by Professor Backfire

SPACE ADVENTURES: The professional guide to goofing off in space on work time for fun and profit. By Professor Backfire The great void that makes up the vast majority of our universe, simply and rather appropriately known as 'space', is quite obviously, well, an empty void for the most part. Lacking in any useful quantities of breathable gases or tangible ground, it's obviously extremely difficult for any life form or machine not specifically adapted to space tr

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Teachings of Konrad Curze

by Captain

Kill a thousand men, and let no one bear witness. What have you achieved? Who will ever know? Who will ever fear you? Who will ever respect or obey you? But kill a single man, and let the world see. Hang him high. Cut him deep. Bleed him dry. And then...disappear. Now. Who will ever know? Everyone. Who will ever fear you? Why, everyone! Who will ever respect you, who will ever obey you? Everyone! These humans, their imaginations are strong. Kill a thousand men and they will hate you.

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Dante's Fun Time

by Alexa Drack

Dante stood up, his tiny penis swinging between his legs. He pushed it forward towards Lila Desminto, the whore gladly taking it into her mouth and sucking deeply, back and forth over the tiny member. She pulled her head away momentarilly, looking up at Dante. "This feel good for you, baby? We should find somewhere more quiet to do it though..." she finished, as she looked around at the staring people, since they were in the middle of the hallway. Dante took one look a

Posted in Adult

Legend of the man of the Stations End

by Beamanager

Chapter I"Captain, we've got a problem here." said the station engineer, exhausted from running throughout the station to find the man he called "Captain" In a swivel chair, overlooking the construction of the Anus Star, a highly mechanized destruction machine used by the Galactic SpaceStation13 Nation of Imperials. The captain swiveled around, revealing n

Posted in Non-Fiction

Jokes of Space Station 13

by Anonymous

Jokes of SPACE STATION 13!A man walked into a bar. Owww.A man and his friend walk into a bar, the man says "I'll have some H2O" and his friend say "I'll have some H2O too" the friends dies.

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Book: Police Brutality 101

by Irvine Shoomer

Police Brutality 101 Chapter 1 The Baton and you! Steps to becoming profficient with the stun baton: 1. Use it extensively. If anyone gives you any kind of crap, beat them repeatedly, even if they don't resist. 2. Remember to turn it on! It won't help if you just poke them. Chapter 2 Handcuffing. 1. Never unhandcuff a suspect: they are guilty until proven innocent. 2. Beat the prisoner even when they are handcuffed. This will make you look cool in front of your p

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An AI's Dream

by Wintermote

Two of us walking down a tunnel or sewer, dark, only our lights and barely wide enough to stand side by side. We were wearing large bulky suits, power armour I guess. I had my helmet on and she didn't. Ahead of us, I could see a dog; rabid. It jumped at us and I grabbed it around the neck, tossing it against a wall. From behind was another one, teeth bared. I went after it too, grabbing it and punching it in the head several times. I heard a scream behind me and turned

Posted in Non-Fiction

Who Shall Speak for Hero?

by Phyllis Biddors

Chapter 13: The Shuttle Arrives

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How to make it big as a lawyer

by Rodd

So you want to make it big as a lawyer? Well, the first thing you need to do is find some real nice crap to sell. Try paper hats or things from the vending machines. Failing that, break into a few places and steal some real unique crap! For instance, there's this barman on board with a real beutie of a s

Posted in Reference

Vents and Welders, An Engineers Autobiography

by Tanner Rohtin

Back in 1985 Tanner Rohtin was just a small boy in a big world, after his father was taken from him by an alien in his own home. Later on in life after he passed High School he found out the cause of the xeno. Living in his venting ducts since he was born, it struck out during that tragic day after his father looked inside the vents to see what was wrong with the filter. Vowing revenge on xenos and all forms of ventiliation, Tanner Rohtin went to Engineering College, where he got his masters in welding. Aft

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The Message of the Shade

by Llywelyn ap Gwynedd

In the end all of humanity are judged by a great judge. The wicked are damned and [then] those righteous [ascend] to high heaven.I managed to avoid my judgement and was bound to the mortal world by the chaplain.Thus recounted the Shade of Gunjar of Riverwood, floating as a vaguely humanoid red mist above the library floor. The Chaplain held in his hand a bizarre gem, of which I h

Posted in Non-Fiction

What to do when the Station Goes to Hell

by Mr. Safety

WHAT TO DO WHEN THE STATION GOES TO HELL Your detailed guide to maybe surviving. 1. Panic- Panicking allows air to get into your bloodstream, this allows you to think better. 2. Asses the Situation- Is there a hole in the station? Run like hell. Fire in the halls? Run like hell. Aliens? Run like hell. Clowns? Beat them to death. 3. Find the Nearest Oxygen Tank- If there's a hole in the station, you will need an oxyg

Posted in Non-Fiction

Song of storms: the tale

by Clayton Johnson

Song of of storms:the song of storms is passed to the owners of the windmills in hope to bring a profitable harvest to the kakuri town. its really unique in that when played, it sounds as if more then one instrument is going on. the listners will most likely be entranced and will fall in love with the song instantly. while

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Book: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -

by Anonymous

The Babel fish The Babel fish is a small, yellow and leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from its own carrier but from those around it. It absorbs all unconsious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the consious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the bra

Posted in Fiction

Assistants are underpowered on SS13

by Anonymous

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Useless Bums good for nothing" bullshit that's going on in the Space Station 13 right now. Assistants deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.I should know what I'm talking about. I myself entered the career of Assistant in Japan for a salary of 2,400

Posted in Non-Fiction

Sixteen Accords of Madness, v. XII, Malacath&

by Anonymous

Sixteen Accords of Madness, v. XIIMalacath's TaleIn the days before the Orsinium's founding, the spurned Orc-folk were subjected to ostracism and persecutions even more numerous and harsh than their progeny are accustomed to

Posted in Religion

Shitcurity and My dead Sister part 3: Hurting

by Julia Ride

the Head of Security slid the door open, entered, and closed it behind him. He backed me into the corner where I cringed. He shot me once, twice, I don't know how many times with the electrodes. I was spazzing out on the floor, crying. Do you still want a trial? He said innocently. I couldn't open my mouth. He whipped out his baton and ran it up in down my arm and suddenly turned it on. He held it there for several seconds and I blacked out.When I woke up I was buckled to a

Posted in Fiction

Book of Vetia - 4th edition

by High Chaplain of Vetia

Book of Vetia Blessed be Vetia, the patron god of medicine and medical sciencess.Know that the cloning machine is the most blessed machine that exists in the service of Vetia.Pra

Posted in Religion

Maltese Falcon Menu

by Anonymous

Menu:Main Courses:*Burger

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51 Things To Do

by Chen

51 things to do 1: Send spam messages using someone else's PDA 2: Attack yourself with a toolbox and claim someone else did it 3: Grab every single fire extinguisher onboard the station and give them to Toxins 4: take empty cans of space cola and fill them with beer from a keg 5: take empty cans of space cola and fill them with acid 6: Get beaten to death by security for melting sthe captain's face off 7: Give the clown something import

Posted in Non-Fiction

Book: The Log of a Captain

by Blowhard Spacebass

Blowhard Spacebass Spacebuss groned "Urg' He wus the captin of da stashun. He wass sitting on the tolet and herd over the inturcom that terorist syndecates were on the stashun. "Captin, ther ar syndecates on stashun! Yu have to halp us!" The captin finished his log and lept intu acton. He grabed hiss lazur pistol and runned out the brige. He saw a asisstant who yeled "HELP I AM ATTACKED BY ZENOS" Which are like xenos but cooler and are yelow OC DO NOT STEAL! And the zenos fadehugged him and turned him i

Posted in Non-Fiction

The life cycle of a Xenomorph: Part 1

by Mark Sean

There are five basic stages in a Xenomorph's life. Egg, Facehugger, Larvae, Hunter, and Queen. The egg is simply an unhatched facehugger, but the facehugger is more complex. The facehugger has six leg-like appendages that can latch onto a person's face. The facehugger is considered parasitic, due to the fact that the facehugger injects a "Chestburster" Embryo into the victim. The way it does this is with a proboscis-like appendage. When done implanting a chestburster into the

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Science and Chemistry

by James Bearden

Chemistry: Generally Abused (Well, you know) Cryptobiolin: Potassium + Oxygen + Suger (Confuses) Hyperzine: Sugar + Phosphorous + Sulfur (Temporarily increases muscle strength) Impedrezene: Mercury + Oxygen + Sugar (Impedes movement) Napalm: Aluminium + Plasma + Sulphuric Acid (Liquid Fire) Unstable Mutagen: Radium + Phospherous + Chlorine (Gives random genetic mutations) Polytrinic Acid: Sulphuric Acid + Chlorine + Potassium (Powerful

Posted in Reference

Mighty Talos

by Heimskr

Talos the mighty! Talos the unerring! Talos the unassailable! To you we give praise! We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars! But you were once man! Aye! And as man, you said, "Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter." "I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine, I do this for you, Red Legions, for I lo

Posted in Religion

The life cycle of a Xenomorph: Part 2

by Mark Sean

After the facehugger dies, the embryo begins growing inside the victim. Attaching to blood cells to Complete it's Genetic code. It eventually will Grow too large to be inside the victim. It will promptly drill it's way out of the victim's sternum using razor-sharp teeth. At this point, it's basic instincts are to flee humans and hide inside air ducts. After that stage in life, it will grow into a "Hunter" Xenomorph. It will become one of three castes, the Hunter, the Worker,

Posted in Reference

Robust Clownos

by Honkskr

Clownos the robust! Clownos the unslipping! Clownos the unassailable! To you we give praise!We are but faggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars!But you were once clown! Aye! And as clown, you said, "Let me show you the power of Clownos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long bananas.""I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine, I do this for you, Red Legions, for I lov

Posted in Religion

Griffin got murderboner

by Montague Morberly

griffin got murderbonerone day while the captain was being slipped griffin got murderboner.He could no longer help himself! he watched as the captain slipped on the janitors kawaii wet floor. He approached the captain which startled him and make him fire his energy gun at the floor and at griffin too. Being za

Posted in Adult

A story of the bar, part 1

by Tabler Turnipton

I met the Captain and Head of Security at the bar a while ago, I went with my girlfriend. When we approached them, the Captain looked at me, and then at my girlfriend, and said "THE FUCK YOU DOIN' WITH THIS STUPID CUNT? GET WITH THIS DICK OR GET RAPED YA WHORE!" I was completely shocked and didn't know if he was joking, so I just stood there in silence just not sure what to say. Then a voice was heard from behind him, "Hey, hey, Cap. Found another goofball?" "Y

Posted in Non-Fiction

The Sharpened Book

by Neutral Grey

This book is slightly sharper than others, so it makes a great weapon!

Posted in Non-Fiction

Book Of Mage Magicks: Circles 1-8

by Anonymous

BOOKE OF MAGE MAGICKS, AND SPELLS, MOST POWERFVLFirst CircleWis Uus (Bird's Eye) Blood Moss, NightshadeUus Jux (Clumsy) Blood Moss, NightshadeIn Mani Ylem (Create Food) Mandrake, Garlic, GensengRel Wis (Feeblemind) Genseng, NightshadeIn Mani (Heal) Healing dependent on skillwith magicIn Por Ylem (Magic Arrow) Black Pearl, Nightshade In Lor (Light) Spider Silk, Sulfrous Ash

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A story of the bar, part 2

by Tabler Turnipton

I watched on in horror as my girlfriend stared at me in the eyes as the captain finished undressing her and rammed his fingers up her ass. She was trying to scream, but the Captain just kept pushing her head down. The Captain looked at me and mouthed the word "Goofball." It was like a silent movie. I watched The Captain as he proceeded to pull out his testicles and forcibly push them in her anus with his hand. The HoS, who was still holding me down, started t

Posted in Non-Fiction

Amongst the Aliens

by Hans Dietrich

It wasn't until my seventh month with the creatures that they seemed to accept me.Well, "accept" isn't really the proper word, but they seemed to have decided that I posed no threat to them and gradually ceased their attacks.Though more than capable

Posted in Fiction

A Brief History of Laser Tag and Its Matches

by Ellen Quinn

A history of Laser TagLaser tag as we know it was first conceived by the mage mechanic Kor Phaeron., in the year 2552. The game involved a simple light detection system, using glorified laser pointers in gun cases similiar to the kind used by space pirates.

Posted in Reference

The Silent Siren: A Safety Guide on Mimes

by Expert Mime Killer, Django Young

IntroductionTo many, the mime seems just like a silly performer of expression. Blinding station inhabitants of their possibly sinister plans, the mimes silent nature deflects the blame to the much more prejudiced against clown. This guide explains in detail many useful lessons to keep you safe and alive, such as how to identify a mime, how to tell if they are evil, what to do if a mime tries to kill you or steal your ice cream, how to kill a mime and how not to be

Posted in Reference

Jani s Diary: Gravekeepers Cove

by Jani Liimatainen

Space December 14th, 2019. The Battle of Gravekeeper's Cove has been a long and painstakingly arduous task. The winter is taking a toll not only on ourselves, but on our equipment and the surrounding landscape as well. The iron sights on my Mosin-Nagant have become inaccurate due to the rapid frostbite accumulating on them, diminishing the accuracy of them as well as preventing further modification or repairs. Another plaguing function of the below zero

Posted in Non-Fiction

Print Job #994

by Bee

Annabelle inKiin says, "Certainly n-not, Mistress! I am here but to clean your quarters." Jane-Luc Price asks, "Is that all you have come here for, little one? My quarters?" Annabelle inKiin says, "I am sorry, but I do not know what it is you imply, Mistress. I am but a poor shoeless slave." Jane-Luc Price says, "So you are, my love. And an obedient one at that. Such beautiful eyes and lewd feet." Annabelle inKiin exclaims, "You embarrass m-me

Posted in Adult

The Lusty Shoeless Slave

by Anonymous

Annabelle inKiin says, "Certainly n-not, Mistress! I am here but to clean your quarters."Jane-Luc Price asks, "Is that all you have come here for, little one? My quarters?"Annabelle inKiin says, "I am sorry, but I do not know what it is you imply, Mistress. I am but a poor shoeless slave."Jane-Luc Price says, "So you are, my love. And an obedient one at that. Such beautiful eyes and lewd feet."Annabelle inKiin exclaims, "You e

Posted in Adult

A Gloveless Gentleman's Guide to Airlock Hack

by Skado Pokoe

I've seen far too many ignorants assume that because they don't have insulated gloves, they are unable to hack airlocks. This is completely untrue. As long as a person knows two basic facts, it is entirely safe to delve into an airlock's inner workings without a pair of gloves, as long as there has been no other tampering prior to your attempt.Basic fact #1As long as an airlock is unelecrified, you cannot get shocked by using a multitool on the wires.Basic fact #2Only t

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Mexican Boxers

by Nate Jones

It all started on a normal day on Fatguy Stopover 49. I was doing my things as librarian when i hear "OLE OLE OLE". Two mexican boxers dressed only in shorts boxing gloves and masks can runing into my domain. They forced thier way behind my desk forcefully grabing me and throwing me on to the desk! I was not going to let them push me around in MY house so, I push one of them down pulling him out of the desk. One down the last one was not going without a fight! I pushed him o

Posted in Fiction

Space Law

by Nanotrasen

Posted in Reference

Dawson's Christian

by Abigaile Marley

Dawson's ChristianBy: Duane ElmsTranscribed by: Abigaile MarleyJayme Dawson was the Captain of the Christ

Posted in Fiction

THE UGLY BARNACLE

by Anonymous

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS AN UGLY BARNACLE. IT WAS SO UGLY THAT EVERYONE DIED. THE END.Patrick Star

Posted in Fiction

Mexican Boxers Part 2

by Nate Jones

I thought I was done with the Mexican Boxers but, they set their eyes on the chapel. I was sitting in my study reading po- I mean the newspaper when i heard people getting beat up next door! When i arrived next door the chaplin of all people was throwing punches at the Boxers! As I looked around the Boxers had smashed the chaple to pieces. Knowing what the chaplin was felling i helped him to catch the inturders. We triped one of them but, the chaplin was out for blood! He ju

Posted in Fiction

FrankerZ

by FrankerZ

FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ FrankerZ Fra

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Book: Of Sex and Shitcurity

by Ellen Quinn

Harley's bum scraped the metal paneled floors of Space Station 13, her body being dragged by the current HoS, the infamous Jane-Luc Price. Her crime? Being a syndicate traitor, despite no proof, and her punishment? A dose of "my special space law", in Jane's words. As they entered the brig and passed the row of cells on full display to the world, Jane paused and dropped Harley for a moment, un-holstering something from her hips. Harley seized the oppo

Posted in Fiction

Apple of my Eye - A Comedy

by Cultist Chan

The sun shines brightly on top of the sky. The green, smooth leaves of the apple trees bask on its light, as the birds chirp and tweet between branches, the fruits ripe and plump, ready to be harvested and consumed. In fact, the only thing missing in this typical summer picture is the farmer herself, bucking and kicking with her usual energetic demeanor. The farmer, however, is not on the orchard right now. She’s in the barn, and so are you. You are sit

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Purple - A Romatic Comedy

by Ziggs Pippbottom

Squishy. That’s the first word that comes to your mind when you poke her rear. The fact that Twilight is not a very in shape pony becomes glaringly obvious when your finger sinks in her cheek slightly. The soft, pliable flesh easily gives in when you open your palm, trying to grab as much as you can of her backside, letting it slide off the tips of your fingers until you give her a small pinch before retiring your hand, which makes her tingle a bit with

Posted in Fiction

I WANT MY HAT BACK

by Akemi Homura

I WANT MY HAT BACKAKEMI HOMURA I lost my hat. I want it back.

Posted in Fiction

Anti-Matter and You

by Lute Za'Hal

Setting up the Anti-matter and You: So, Nanotransen, in their all-knowing and considerate wisdom, has shipped you some boxes, and a few canisters of antimatter, eh? Not to worry: from a mechanical point of view, this way of generating energy is substantially easier than setting up the Singulos! To start off, drag your starting Anti-matter Reactor Panel into the middle of a preferably open space. Wrench it into place.

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A Hint of Vanilla - Gothic Ethics

by Izzie Martins

-”I…I don’t know…” You smile, running the back of your hand through her silky pink mane, trying to reassure her as best as you can. You tell her that it will be fun, and pleasant, and that, if you do something she doesn’t like, you will stop the moment she tells you. She hesitates, avoiding your stare for a few seconds, but you know she’s already made her mind. Eventually, her big cyan eyes meet yours, and she nods ever so slightly, her yellow cheeks bl

Posted in Adult

ERP: Reprecussions of Evil

by Kor Phaeron

Transcribed by Temia Eszteri.Kor Phaeron waited. The adminhelps above him blinked and sparked out of the chat box. There were ERPers in the server. He didn't see them, but heard ghost chat whining about them. His warnings to SoS were no

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We must Dissent

by Sister Miriam Godwinson

Selected quotes from "We Must Decent" And will we next create false gods to rule over us? How proud we have become, and how blind. And so we return again to the holy void. Some say this is simply our destiny, but I would have you remember always that the void EXISTS, just as surely as you or I. Is nothingness any less a miracle than substance? Men in their arrogance claim to understand the nature of creation, and devise elaborate theories t

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Blakists and Clanners

by Miles Winter

Mechwarrior Isaac's eyes flicked over his battlefield displays again, the dim screens washing his enclosed cockpit in a rainbow of colour and light as status updates blinked and warnings flashed. The enemy commander was in his sights; a Blakist Cerberus. Hunched shoulders, and guns for arms. The sudden reminder of who he was fighting caused Isaac to grind his teeth. Most Inner Sphere warriors were dezgra, - without honor. Blakists w

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Who is The Doctor

by Jon Pertwee

I cross the void beyond the mind The empty space that circles time I see where others stumble blind To seek a truth they never find Eternal wisdom is my guide I am the Doctor Through cosmic waste the TARDIS flies To taste the secret source of life A presence science can't deny Exists within, outside, behind The latitude of human minds I am the Doctor My voyage dissects the course of time "Who knows?," you say But are you right? Who searches deep to find the light That

Posted in Religion

A Hairy Day To Honk!

by Mommymilk Dalton

A Hairy Day To Honk Honker stepped quickly out into the whistle clean sunshine, and admired Bigwig's clown mask. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a honking sight." Bigwig climbed off the stun baton and walked robustly across the grass to greet his lover. Honker patted Bigwig on the Horn and then tried to honk him enticingly, but without success. "That's all right," Bigwig said. "We can try again later."

Posted in Adult

The Heroic Saga of Brother-Captain Matthias W

by lolpwnt

Brother-Captain Matthias IronSoul Ward the All-Magnificent of the Ultramarines.Captain Ward was born on Macragge. Upon turning five, he asked to enlist in the Ultramarines (best chapter of them all) like his father to help Daddy kill the aliens. He was taken in as the youngest ever initiate due to his superior marks in schools, blinding speed, and deadly strength.He passed all the training with ease. At the age of 13, fully augmented, he joined the Tenth Company. He was given a special sniper rifle that sho

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The Miracle Of The Corgi!

by Mommymilk Dalton

The Miracle Of The Corgi Jennifer Winters hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like a shower of giblets, sprung through arcane measures. She loathed it. Every December, Jennifer Winters would feel herself getting all eyebrow raising inside. She refused to put up a Christmas Nuclear Authentication Disk, she snapped at anyone hair-covered enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anyb

Posted in Adult

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