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MAG 002 #9982211 Do Not Open

by Johnathan Sims

Statement of Joshua Gillespie, regarding his time in possession of an apparently empty wooden casket. Original statement given November 22nd, 1998 It started when I was in Amsterdam for a holiday with a few of my friends. Everything you’re thinking right now, you’re right. We were all early twenties, just graduated and decided to spend a couple of weeks going crazy on the continent, so you can almost certainly fill in all the blanks yourself. There

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MAG 001 #122204 Anglerfish

by Johnathan Sims

Statement of Nathan Watts, regarding an encounter on Old Fishmarket Close, Edinburgh. Original statement given April 22nd 2012. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. Statement begins.ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT) This all happened a couple of years ago, so I apologise if some of the details are a bit off. I mean, I feel like I remember it clearly but sometimes things are so weird that you start to doubt

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Honking Nightmare

by Lopyi Thin (Comxy)

Honking Nightmare 155 - 18:34:04,Signs of a carp migration have been recieved, this is because the long range sensors malfunctioned. 155 - 19:02:43,I fixed one of the long range sensors which was picking up signals because of an malfunction. 157:The usual shift at this time. Nothing suspicious as reported by the command though else it would probably be classified information. 159:Suicidal cook killed himself by

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Honking Nightmare

by Lopyi Thin (Comxy)

Honking Nightmare 155 - 18:34:04,Signs of a carp migration have been recieved, this is because the long range sensors malfunctioned. 155 - 19:02:43,I fixed one of the long range sensors which was picking up signals because of an malfunction. 157:The usual shift at this time. Nothing suspicious as reported by the command though else it would probably be classified information. 159:Suicidal cook killed himself by

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I hate jurgen leitner

by whowe.

Posted in Fiction

Carps Gone Wild

by Ewe Kant

Carps Gone Wild Axle Brady had needed a break. The daily, unending grind of hunting traitors, heretics, changelings, xenomorphs, and a man who had pushed over a medical doctor had gotten to him. The feeling of not being good enough when someone died to the forces that constantly harassed nanotrasen, from outside and in. The donuts at the security office weren’t enough. The coffee that nice moth

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Plumbing 102: pro edition

by Matt Mii

Plumbing 102: pro plumber edition If you’re looking forward to making your own crank den, you’ve come to the right place Step 1 - use Reaction Chambers Liberally, make sure you know how to heat reaction chambers step 2 - use pipe double loops into reaction chambers and chemical tanks Step 3 - set the proper reaction amount for reaction chambers, use small reactions to maintain purity. Step 4 - Profit! Problem, Cent

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Outsmarting Centcom 2

by Shaggy Rogers

How to outsmart Centcom part 2This edition will focus on the “Fireball” smiting and how to evade it Simply put, all you gotta do to evade the fireball smiting is hide in a locker then you will be safe from the fireball.

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Theories on Dumbassery

by Some dumb bitch

I’m just gonna write some stuff, y’all won’t read it anyways. Save the plants! They need to live to be more books!

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Book: Life of a Catgirl

by -Stella Hoshii-

The life of a whore, or, my life.My name is Stella hoshii, this name comes from a odd piece of culture of the last century, I’m a middle aged woman, and a catperson I work on Space Station 13, an isolated station owned by nanotrasen, where, I’m a curator, a simpleton only used to explore space, or put books in shelves. I’m now g

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SCRIMMY BINGUS IV

by V.P

SCRIMMY BINGUS IV The Fall of Scroobus The defeat of Zordog and Chungo was highly celebrated in the Kingdom of Scroobus. A temporary feast day was declared in Scrimmy’s name by King Corgi of Scroobus. Once again, everyone celebrated its well earned victory against the invasion. Scrimmy wasn’t the only hero who received praise; Spungus was eternalized with Scrimmy in a sculpture depicting the defeat of Chungo and Zordog

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King of the Station Jungle

by Matt Monke

What i did as a monke so far is robust two people in a row with nothing but a toolbox, monkeys are very robust once you know how to kit one up. The Gear you need to be a robust monke: Improvised skateboard, a Mutadone spray bottle in case you want to go back to normal to use a machine, a Hard hat for light and finally, a Universal Translator so you can use the print function to communicate with other people without using mime antics, you will also n

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A Guide on returning to monke

by Matt Monke

What i did as a monke so far is robust two people in a row with nothing but a toolbox, monkeys are very robust once you know how to kit one up. The Gear you need to be a robust monke: Improvised skateboard, a Mutadone spray bottle in case you want to go back to normal to use a machine, a Hard hat for light and finally, a Universal Translator so you can use the print function to communicate with other people without using mime antics, you will also n

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On Ban Avoidance

by Dave Royd

If you ever get a message from an admin, don’t panic! Here are some simple steps to avoid getting banned. Explain your actions clearly and truthfully. An admin will notice your honesty and know that you are to be trusted at least a little bit. Cooperate. The admins haave power and you don’t. It is best to listen to what they say. Apologize. I know that nobody likes to admit that they were wrong, but it wi

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Nininini.

by Runs-In-Circles

Nininininininini. Nininini, nininininininininininininini. Ni, nininininininininininini; nininininininininininini. Nininininininininininininininini? Ninininininini! Nininininininininininini. “Ninininininininininininininininininini” nininininininininininini. Nininininininininininini?Nininininininininininininininini?! Nininini, nininini, ninininininini? Nininininininininini. Nininininininininininininininini, ninininininininininini.Nininininininin

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Book: Syndie Sex Borgs 1

by A Based Russian

   It was supposed to be a normal shift, nothing was supposed to go wrong. All I wanted to do was be a roboticist, make borgs and mechs, yell at rnd, the usual. What I didn't want and or expect one of the borgs to . . lets just say take me on a trip to dorms four. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary with that borg. They were kind too, not one of the kinds of borg that yell harmies and look for any opportunity to kill you.    I was walking thro

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A Crushing Reunion

by Ewe Kant

A Crushing Reunion Heedal, lizardman and acclaimed public defendant, was utterly and completely bored. And in terms of public defense, not having any jobs to take meant that his finances would continue to suffer. A damn shame too - it’s not just that there weren’t any prisoners on this station or folks who just so happened to land in brig thanks to being caught in the wrong pla

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BOOK 10000

by Cope Catster

BOOK 10000 LESS GOOOOOO i shall give this moment to Lepi Vomit, my great companion over the last few days. Change da worldmy final messageGoodbye

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The Fate of Poor Bog

by Ewe Kant <3

The Fate of Poor Bog Bog Cautella, assistant by birth and moth by choice, as he always claimed, was having quite possibly the worst day of his life. Dean Ivanov had just robusted him into a trash can after using him and his fluffy body to mop the entire floor of the bartender’s kitchen as a response to Bog having the “audacity” to try to steal Jill DeSouza’s insulated gloves. He knew there

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Debugging by Inspection

by LemonInTheDark

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Eekkers Monster Book Vol 1

by Eekker Slaos

Hello my names Eekker and this book is on the monsters ive encountered. Clown Demons: Demonic creatures either spawned by the Honkmother (a clown god that all clowns worship) herself or the vats of cytology. These creatures vary in size from the giant and fat Banana Gluttons to the small Lube Demons Hivebots: Hive run robots that are only found through gol

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Clown Jokes For Real Blokes

by A clown called Jazzle

Clown Jokes For Real Blokes: Volume I This volume of Clown Jokes For Real Blokes goes out to or proud members of the security team! What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for several years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer! What’s the difference betwee

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Revenge of a Greytider

by Bindy Johal

The Revenge of a Greytider: Jannies Fear me Sec Hates Me I Smash Windows with an axe all day long i have olive skin and short hair i banishment evaded before I am the king of all greytiders My last name is "Johal" Who am i?

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Clown Warfare: Rehonkered

by Matt Mi

Clown Warfare - By Matt Mi Step 1 - the slips: Should be self-explanitory, but if it isn’t go get a spray bottle (pest spray, plant-b-gone, space cleaner, whatever) make some space lube (or get some cooking oil from the kitchen back room and heat it) Step 2 - How to escape from Security: simple, prepare a voice-activated lube or cooking oil nade before hand and once they’re dragging you to brig or their abaout to batong you, activate the Voic

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CMG04-Bomber

by N/A

Carmen Miranda’s Ghost Bomber Sleek and clean, the death machines, stand ready on the decks. Inside them men who fight in them, run through their final checks. Absorbed in it, the pilots sit, their lives are moved by hate. For those that fly make others die and never touch their fate. He just flies

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Pipegun Mastery: update 1

by Matt Mi

Pipegun Mastery 101: Update 1 How you use incindiary shells effectively is quite simple, all you have to do is have a fire extinguisher on stand-by For Improv Shells, keep a bunch of epi-pens or emergency medipens on you so you can jab it in your and seal the wound ASAP, if you don’t got that, at least get a helmet, a med gauze and a cautery so you can cauterize your wounds after your confrontation with the traitorous kind. Remember, all you

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Pipegun Mastery 101: Controls

by Matt Mi

“Pipegun Mastery 101: Controlling your pipegun” -= by Matt Mi =- How you would use incindiary slugs correctly: is to always keep water cups or a fire extinguisher on you at all times. How you would use improv shells correctly: is to keep a bunch of emergency medipens on you at all times and fire a maximum of three times before you clean the gun. How you would use darts correct

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A Crash Course in Music Theory

by John Mozart

iframe { display: none; } function pageloaded(myframe) { document.getElementById("loading").style.display = "none"; myframe.style.display = "inline"; } You start skimming through the manual...

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Ghetto Chemistry: A Guide

by Walter "Heisenberg" White

iframe { display: none; } function pageloaded(myframe) { document.getElementById("loading").style.display = "none"; myframe.style.display = "inline"; } You start skimming through the manual...

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a short rant by a noob

by Yasmina Raven

A small rant from a player who began recently. So many of you are unbelievably impatient with the way that you treat new players, you do not appreciate how hard it is to play this game for a brand new player, even as someone who isn’t very great at videogames.It is unintuative, outdated and intentionally awkward to perform actions in this game, especially as your game is so laggy it’s actually impossible to be robust if you want to play on serve

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Book: Moths to a Lamp 2

by Jotalo Rangel

Moths to a Lamp: Tiny X Luminata Part 2In the blink of the eye, one of Luminata's arms twists and turns in Lovecraftian fashion, to finally reveal itself as a sharpened marrow blade. Tinea's eyes go bleak with horror, and tears begin to roll down his fluffy cheeks. "A-are... you really Lumi? W-What did you do to Lumi!" This stung Luminata in the heart, for it truly was Luminata, her head was cloudy from her ass

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Buzz buzz the angi

by Martin Spes

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Buzz Buzz the angi? I thought not. It’s not a story Nanotrasen would tell you. It’s a Apid Myth. Buzz Buzz was a Buzzer For the Buzzi clan, so powerful and so wise he could use the claps of his wings to influence the Queen to create life… He had such a knowledge of the buzz buzz that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying.The Buzz Path is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be… unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losi

Posted in Non-Fiction

Analog and Digital Casting

by Lukas Judge

On Analog and Digital Magic: A Bloemter Treatise Creation of AnalogAnalog Magic is a creation of the Kystic Industrial Revolution, occuring in the 18th Century. Following nearly a thousand years of rule by Dampholdig, Kystland was slipping into modernity with its neighbors, Theom, Alfonia, and

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Woody got Wood: The Song

by Paul Grumblestumpskin

Woody got Wood, the Song By Paul Grumblestumpskin Verse 1 Lovers met, best a’friendsBut their desires oh so crassHearts ‘aflame-Loin’s on fire…He just had to take that ass! One a man, hardly grownThe other, boy’s best friend…They never coulda’-Would’a thought…That this would be his end! Chorus Wo

Posted in Adult

D6 Lite Character Sheet

by Paul Grumblestumpskin

Derelicts and Deathsquads Character Sheet Name: [] Race: [] Statistics: Strength: [

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Book: ACPP Manifesto

by Blesses-The-Rains

Official Constitution of the Anti Cat People PartyWe, the right honourable members of the Anti Cat PeopleParty hereby declareour formal constitution regarding the continued working of the so called Cat people' 'race' aboard the station. We, as representatives of the party beieve that these low-key furries are a blight upon this station and ergo not fit to remain in the service of this fine station.We demand

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Book: Changeling Abilities

by Dr. Jarvis Montoya

The changeling can shift its appearance, making them look and sound exactly like a victim of which they have absorbed. This can be massive compromise in security, especially if command staff are absorbed and the changeling is able to imitate them.Changelings can also, via their lesser form ability, transform into monkeys and do monkey things.Transforming is subtle and does not give a message in chat, though an observant crewmember may notice that you'

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Book: Sodiumfire Pt. 2

by W. Kalmar and Moffistopheles

Ambidextrous MenaceLeft-handed people and right-handed people need to teamup and ?ght the "Ambidextrous Menace". Who do they thinkthey are? There are lines in this world you do not cross.They have crossed them. They have crossed them and theyhave sinned. Handedness war when?Rat'var > Nar'sieComparatively, the cult of Rat'var is objectively better thanthe cult

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Book: Guide to Blood Cults

by A suspicious person

Oh no, you're a blood cultist! If you haven't been one before, you're probably incredibly confused. Perhaps you're thinking of killing every person you see. That is a very, very bad idea.First off, you should /never/ try to kill someone unless they can't be converted or sacrificed. If peple are not converted, the cult will have nobody to protect the people summoning na

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Book: Report A3481, B Section, Toxins Wing, N

by Averywear B, NRD

B Section, Toxins Wing, Nanotrasen Research Department Scientist Bohms Averywear 9 May 2554 Anomalous Temperature Measurements After Catastrophic Plasma Oxygen Fire Report: #002491247-A3481 [TS-SCI] - Timeline of Incident An experimental method of producing burn mix for use in B Section activities was found to be unsatisfactory. At

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Book: Wizard Training : A rewritting.

by A wizard in training.

Wizard Training : A rewritting, by [REDACTED] Wizards always undergo a special formation to unlock their potent powers. This formation consist of learning how to imbue your words with energy, casting a spell. Words are used to form your spells, and will "form" it. For now, the "creation" of new spells is forbidden by the Wizard Academy, deemed too dangerous.

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Book: The Unnamable

by H.P. Lovecraft, copied by Rlim Shaikorth

We were sitting on a dilapidated seventeenth-century tomb in the late afternoon of an autumn day at the old burying-ground in Arkham, and speculating about the unnamable. Looking toward the giant willow in the centre of the cemetery, whose trunk has nearly engulfed an ancient, illegible slab, I had made a fantastic remark about the spectral and unmentionable nourishment which the colossal roots must be sucking in from that hoary, charnel earth; when my friend chided me for such nonsense and told me that sin

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Book: The Swamps of Dagobah #9

by Anonymous

By this time, the smell had permeated out of our OR suite, and down the forty-foot hallway to the front desk, where the other nurse still sat, eyes bloodshot and watery, clenching her stomach desperately. Our suite looked like the underground river of ooze from Ghostbusters II, except dirty. Oh so dirty. I stepped back into the OR suite, not wanting to leave the surgeon by himself in case he genuinely needed help. It was like one of those overly-artistic representations of a

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Seduction of Female Lizard.

by Vents-Hot-Air

Brutal seduction of the female lizard. Unknown when the attraction of a certain lizard began, but her eyes and skin looked identical to his mothers. To their surprise, neither have met each other before, though she distinctively labeled Vents as a “horny lizard” as she began dragging him around aggressively. She knew he was no miner, his scales were too soft while hers were rough calluses. Her brashness and sweet lisp was something that immediatel

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Ode to The Griffin

by Thinks-Too-Much, curator on Alium Roost 8

Beware his name, it rings through timeHis day has come, it soon shall findHide from the light, or else you’ll seeWhat difference can split you and meSay his name, it lives in fame - The Griffin! A mortal man, one would not dareCould see this all, and then declareThe life he lives, it’s come undoneFor when his time, it comes to passA feathered face would be his lastSay his name, it lives in fame - The Griffin!

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Texas holdem rulebook V1

by Elizabeth Arhd

In hold’em, players receive two down cards as their personal hand (holecards), after which there is a round of betting. Three board cards are turned simultaneously (called the flop) and another round of betting occurs. The next two board cards are turned one at a time, with a round of betting after each card. The board cards are community cards, and a player can use any five-card combination from among the board and personal cards. A player can even use

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Maintenance Bar

by Sukie Salmon

My Trip to the Maintenance Bar From my first step into the maintenance tunnel, I was amazed. The tunnel, which had formally been a dank and disgusting place, had been completely renovated. A beautiful, well lit hallway stretched before me, with arrows pointing the way to the bar. And then the bar itself…. When I stepped past the wooden remains of the ba

Posted in Non-Fiction

The Issue with Access

by Jimmy Valentino

Writen by Jimmy Valentino, a Bagil Sector Shitter The Issue With Access One of the Main Problems our Sector and all Nanotresen Sectors Experience is that of Access, and how the Innability to Access Specific Parts of the Station Hurt Crew Morale. Now, one Main Issue with Access is that damn near half the Station is Inaccessible to all but a select few Job Titles That Meaing Maintence, Which is Vital to Statio

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Test Log 210521-01

by Elioxa Ottoen

Destruction of pAI Summary:By using a Stabilized Cerulean Extract it is possible to delete a pAI from existence. Test Log #210521-01 Subject 1: P. Tomo, a downloaded Personal Artificial Intelligence Card Tester Elioxa Ottoen used a Stabilized Cerulean Extract to create a clone of himself The clone was then placed on a surgery table, and a cavity was cre

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Red Lizard Man Secrets Vol1

by Drearothy Doomington

There is a certain red lizard aboard this station that is committed in his crusade against the truth. Not many know, but this specific crewmember can be directly tied to every single disaster in human history. I have the classified documents to prove it. This book series will go into the many exploits of this one gentleman, in the hopes that others can come to realise the extent of his crimes. #1:Did you know that this red lizard

Posted in Non-Fiction

Personal Note

by Achernar CJ

They told me I’d find my purpose trying to branch out and discover new horizons, but I’ve truly found nothing. It’s the same old shit. The same faces, the same people everyone else has grown accustomed to calling ‘friends,’ the same people others can find solace and comfort being around. Why, oh why, am I not the same in that one regard? Why can’t I make connections with other people? They give me shit for being an asshole, but at least then they

Posted in Non-Fiction

Dell Inspiron 5575

by Ryan Cobb

Dell Inspiron 5575 I woke up this morning hating you. I woke up to the sound of your breath -Your jealous, droning breath -Hating it. From across the room I could feel your presence.Your unblinking, unseeing glare,Hungrily awaiting my return. For some time you murmured to yourself,Perhaps not yet aware I was awake,Until eventual

Posted in Non-Fiction

Bask Ye Samplers

by Bill Sutton

Bask Ye Samplers Bask in the lightSpace is dark but the star is brightBask in the heat of a distant sun its gunna get hot before were doneso bask in the heat of the sun boys bask in the heat of the sun We mine the nuetron matter from the heart of a living star.Remotes can’t pass magnetic fields drones cant go that farSo we must fly our samplers to the heart of the stellar core and there release the drone ships to collect t

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Dolls in Pseudo Paradise; 2

by Lyra XI

I saw my friend, who had very clearly been poisoned. There’s no way it was suicide. After all, I picked out the right coffee and brought it to everyone’s rooms. I didn’t tell the other two about his death. Being the most wary of our group, I never ate nor drank anything I didn’t prepare myself. I desperately tried to stay awake until they were both asleep. We slept in separate rooms and locked the doors. Yes, there was one of the two I suspected in parti

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Dolls in Pseudo Paradise; 1

by Lyra XI

Our village of honest men originally consisted of only eight people.We all picked up and moved to a mountain in the east. Two years of honestly boring daily life passed us by.One day, one of us found a little hole by a peach tree.Yes, that was the day we were lost in this paradise.And right away, I stopped being human. As the most curious one of our group, I rushed straight into the depths of the forest. There, I was stopped by a m

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How to make NITRO

by Cuban Pete

How to make NITROGLYCERIN Nitroglycerin is a very high explosive. It is usedall around theworld to do many different types of jobs. To make nitrohere is what youhave to do: By weight, one part of glycerin is nitrated with 6 partsof mixed acid.The mixed acid is composed of 40% nitric and 60%sulfuric acid. Thesulfuric acid is slowly added to the nitric acid withconstant stirring.Never mix them the oth

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The Codex Astartes History

by The Space Marine

The Codex Astartes History. “They shall be pure of heart and strong of body, untainted by doubt and unsullied by self-aggrandisement. They will be bright stars on the firmament of battle, Angels of Death whose shining wings bring swift annihilation to the enemies of Man. So it shall be for a thousand times for a thousand years, unto the very end of eternity and the extinction of mortal flesh.”— Opening passage of the Codex AstartesIn the w

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Hos Memoirs: Death of sal.

by Lukas Beedell.

Memoirs of a HoS. Book 1: Death of a partner. It was another shift on space station 13, there was no wind howling, no rain crashing against the windows, instead, air alarms blared, blood and runes covered the halls and corners. The stars shone thier faint light from a million miles away. I had identified it to be a cult, THE, cult. The one that makes funny runes with blood and then converts innocent crew who have no means to defend

Posted in Non-Fiction

Starlight Resp: Formula

by Dr.Rides-The-Lighting, Virologist.

Virus Notes Inorganic Biology + Viral Self Adapt = 9 Resistance Starlight Condensation + Inorganic Biology + Viral Self Adapt = 7 ResistanceSelf Respiration + Starlight Condensation + Inorganic Biology + Viral Self Adapt = 4 resistance Conclusion:Headache = 4 resistanceEternal Youth = 4 resistance For Self Resp threshold of 8 to regenerate blood.

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A New Moth

by Lampertine

A new moth had arrived. Transfered from the Sybil sector she didn’t really know what she was doing. Unexperienced with many jobs and sticking to the easiest ones. She started signing up as bartender, and loving it! The new moth had been a bartender for so long now that she decided that she should try something new. She always loved to help people and thought becoming a doctor would be fun and enjoyable! She started as a paramedic to dip her feet i

Posted in Non-Fiction

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