In my restless dreams, I see that town.
You promised me you'd take me there again someday, but you never did.
Well, I'm alone there now... In our "special place"...
Waiting for you...
Waiting for you to come see me.
But you never do.
And so I wait, wrapped in my cocoon of pain and loneliness.
I know I've done a terrible thing to you.
Something you'll never forgive me for.
I wish I could change that, but I can't.
I feel so pathetic and ugly laying here, waiting for you...
Every day I stare up at the cracks in the ceiling and all I can think about is how unfair it all is...
The doctor came today.
He told me I could go home for a short stay.
It's not that I'm getting better.
It's just that this may be my last chance...
I think you know what I mean...
Even so, I'm glad to be coming home.
I've missed you terribly.
But I'm afraid, James.
I'm afraid you don't really want me to come home.
Whenever you come to see me, I can tell how hard it is on you...
I don't know if you hate me or pity me...
Or maybe I just disgust you...
I'm sorry about that.
When I first learned that
I was going to die, I just didn't want to accept it.
I was so angry all the time and I struck out at everyone I loved most.
Especially you, James.
That's why I understand if you do hate me.
But I want you to know this, James.
I'll always love you.
EVen though our life together had to end like this, I still wouldn't trade it for the world.
We had some wonderful years together.
Well, this letter has gone on too long, so I'll say goodbye.
I told the nurse to give this to you after I'm gone.
That means that as you read this, I'm already dead.
I can't tell you to remember me, but I can't bear for you to forget me.
These last few years since I became ill...
I'm so sorry for what I did to you, did to us...
You've given me so much and I haven't been able to return a single thing.
That's why I want you to live for yourself now.
Do what's best for you, James.
You made me happy.
You must be authenticated in order to report a book.