The Art of Depression #10064 Published

The Art of Depression

First of all, the art requires that you accept that you are depressed. The mere fact of your depression is neither interesting nor relevant to the vast majority of situations. Most everybody is depressed, because we are trapped in an endless coil of death and rebirth from which there is no succor or deliverance.

To be depressed in a way that entertains the crew, one might endeavor to cultivate a sort of specialized EXPRESSION of that depression. For example, I feel disaffected at all times and am more than willing to delve deep in the most meaningless distractions. I will invest myself into the stupidest things possible if it means feeling, if only for the briefest of moments, that my life has some joy or meaning.

Lastly, if you MUST be an alcoholic, I suggest keeping deaths on-shift to perhaps once per shift. It is easy to make enemies of the medical team if you keep showing up, ass over teakettle, needing yet another fresh liver. If I am your bartender, then I will serve you as much absinthe as you want because I am criminally irresponsible and do not care if you live or die.

Thank you for your time, and I hope that this document has served to educate someone, somewhere, somehow.

-Nigel Whittlesby


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